13. Red RocksConsidering the brain as our largest sex organ opens up many new frontiers. Since the mind both represses and frees sexuality, the key to unlocking passion is skill in talking about sex. Sexual issues are probably the most difficult area to talk about openly. Learning about sexuality and communicating about this vulnerable area is a long-term process.

Cunning (def., resourceful, creative, clever, artful) linguists become more and more comfortable discussing sexual feelings, needs, desires and difficulties. They are also great listeners when their partner shares sexual thoughts and feelings. Honest sex talk occurs when people feel safe in expressing themselves. This requires speaking and listening with the heart informing the brain.


Think about some of the beliefs and fears that get in the way of talking about certain sexual thoughts and feelings. Writing about those beliefs and fears may be an important first step in becoming more comfortable with sex talk.

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Image: ©Jessie LaPlante



11. EmbraceSexual experiences that flow from emotional intimacy are making love. Such encounters look and feel entirely different from sexual experiences that are not heart-connected. Rather than a race between two competitors running in their own lanes and focused on a finish line, making love is a dance.

Creative sexual dancers on an improvisational journey have no preconceived notions of what a sexual experience, such as simultaneous orgasm, or even orgasm itself, should be. There is only the moment and whatever happens is a result of clear verbal and non-verbal communication.

Being totally present in the oneness of the moment determines the next moment. Responses to what each person experiences weave a unique route. No matter how many times the dance is done, the path is never the same.

Sexual heartfelt experiences have many different and often unexpected flavors and forms that never get old even as lovers do. The finish line is never predetermined. One person may reach the finish line ahead of the other. They may reach it simultaneously. Or, one or both may decide on a different finish line.

Frantically searching for the elusive prize of sexual satisfaction, while remaining clueless about the QI spot of sexuality, will never result in complete sexual satisfaction. Although there is nothing wrong with sex as a purely physical act, sexual fulfillment flows naturally when wide-open hearts connect.


What would having more meaningful sexual dances in your life mean to you and how can you create them?

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Image: Embrace by ©Lee Shapiro