Dr. Jordan Paul

BEING TRUSTWORTHY

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In every relationship, a high level of trust translates into palpable feelings of serenity, excitement, passion and optimism. These feelings typically accompany the beginning of life in a new community, such as starting a new job, falling in love, or bringing a baby into the world. But, as trust is eroded the wonderful feelings that accompany trust dissipate.

Attempting to relate in a sea of distrust is like trying to swim through a stream polluted with more and more debris. Low trust spawns adversarial relationships that must slosh through the muck and mire of defensiveness, cynicism, and indifference. Stalemates, resistance, rebellion, boredom, arguments and power struggles weave a picture that bears little resemblance to the tapestry that existed before trust was worn away.

Focusing on questions such as, “Am I worthy of other’s trust and am I trustworthy with myself?” opens to the relationships for which we truly yearn. But becoming trustworthy does not result from a single act. Only when others are consistently treated respectfully do they come to believe that we are worthy of their trust. Self-trust is built by dependably treating ourselves respectfully.

On a scale of 1-10 where do you think your trustworthiness would be rated by each of the following people: spouse, children, boss, and friends?

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What are you doing or what will you be doing to become more trustworthy?

Send your comments and questions to: drjordanpaul@mediqiventures.com

Next: RESPECTFUL BEHAVIOR

BECOMING A CUNNING LINGUIST

13. Red RocksConsidering the brain as our largest sex organ opens up many new frontiers. Since the mind both represses and frees sexuality, the key to unlocking passion is skill in talking about sex. Sexual issues are probably the most difficult area to talk about openly. Learning about sexuality and communicating about this vulnerable area is a long-term process.

Cunning (def., resourceful, creative, clever, artful) linguists become more and more comfortable discussing sexual feelings, needs, desires and difficulties. They are also great listeners when their partner shares sexual thoughts and feelings. Honest sex talk occurs when people feel safe in expressing themselves. This requires speaking and listening with the heart informing the brain.

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Think about some of the beliefs and fears that get in the way of talking about certain sexual thoughts and feelings. Writing about those beliefs and fears may be an important first step in becoming more comfortable with sex talk.

Send your comments and questions to: drjordanpaul@mediqiventures.com

Image: ©Jessie LaPlante

Next: BEING TRUSTWORTHY

ORAL SEX

12. Talking and ListeningLearning new ideas for increasing sexual fulfillment and the verbal skills to put them into practice give “oral sex” and “giving head” entirely different meanings. From birth, exposure to a flood of sexual ideas that disconnect us from our hearts creates dysfunction. By the time we fall in love, we have been brainwashed with beliefs and images that limit our ability to create fulfilling sex. The challenge in becoming more heart-connected lies in breaking through disconnecting beliefs, fears and wounds.

With a greater aptitude to stay heart-connected, we not only gain more physical pleasure, but also experience the magic of giving and receiving love in deeper, more meaningful ways. We possess the ability to avoid problems if we are beginning a new relationship, resolve sexual problems in an ongoing relationship, or transform a good sexual relationship into an amazing one.

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What feelings and thoughts arise from thinking about becoming freer to talk and listen about sex?

Send your comments and questions to: drjordanpaul@mediqiventures.com

Image: ©Susan Slotter

Next: BECOMING A CUNNING LINGUIST

The DANCE of SEXUAL INTIMACY

11. EmbraceSexual experiences that flow from emotional intimacy are making love. Such encounters look and feel entirely different from sexual experiences that are not heart-connected. Rather than a race between two competitors running in their own lanes and focused on a finish line, making love is a dance.

Creative sexual dancers on an improvisational journey have no preconceived notions of what a sexual experience, such as simultaneous orgasm, or even orgasm itself, should be. There is only the moment and whatever happens is a result of clear verbal and non-verbal communication.

Being totally present in the oneness of the moment determines the next moment. Responses to what each person experiences weave a unique route. No matter how many times the dance is done, the path is never the same.

Sexual heartfelt experiences have many different and often unexpected flavors and forms that never get old even as lovers do. The finish line is never predetermined. One person may reach the finish line ahead of the other. They may reach it simultaneously. Or, one or both may decide on a different finish line.

Frantically searching for the elusive prize of sexual satisfaction, while remaining clueless about the QI spot of sexuality, will never result in complete sexual satisfaction. Although there is nothing wrong with sex as a purely physical act, sexual fulfillment flows naturally when wide-open hearts connect.

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What would having more meaningful sexual dances in your life mean to you and how can you create them?

Send your comments and questions to: drjordanpaul@mediqiventures.com

Image: Embrace by ©Lee Shapiro

Next: ORAL SEX

THE SEXUAL QI SPOT

10. The Sexual Qi CSexual fulfillment is not found in the “G spot” or from any other of today’s conventional pursuits that focus sexuality on getting rather giving. Artificially producing erections or orgasms to build sexual performance, and pornography that encourages narcissism by making humans into sexual objects to be used and discarded, are not formulas leading to sexual fulfillment.

Like everything else in life that is truly satisfying, emotional fulfillment (and sexual fulfillment) is found in the “QI spot.” When sexual experiences include the openness and honesty of heart connections, the giving and caring generate an intimacy, creativity, passion and pleasure that never grows old and boring.

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What have your experiences taught you about what truly increases and decreases sexual satisfaction?

Send your comments and questions to: drjordanpaul@mediqiventures.com

Image: ©Carl Studna

Next: THE DANCE of SEXUAL INTIMACY

KEEPING YOUR HEART ON

9. WWII MemorialSex is one of the most common areas for upsetting differences to occur. Talking and listening with a heart connection during, as well as apart from the sexual experience, creates a safe place for partners to freely express themselves. Their likes, dislikes, fears, need for freedom and emotional connection, shame and fantasies can be shared in a non-judgmental atmosphere of compassion.

Heartfelt communication is loving, exciting, illuminating and satisfying. Feeling listened to and understood encourages partners to discover new things about each other. A sense of safety blossoms into a fulfilling closeness. The trust that is built allows old wounds to be healed, sexual and emotional intimacy to deepen and new possibilities to emerge. And, Viagra is never needed to keep a heart on.

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What needs to happen for you to have the courage to keep your heart on related to your sexuality?

Send your comments and questions to: drjordanpaul@mediqiventures.com

Image: WWII Memorial ©Rod Pilcher

CONFLICT AS OPPORTUNITY

8. Conflict As RodUpsetting differences occur in all relationships. Whenever such upsets occur, an openhearted discussion produces an entirely different interaction from when there is an intention to be right and convince others to see things our way.

Differences then become opportunities to learn more about each other and become more emotionally intimate. This is especially true when our paramount intent is to explore and develop a deeper connection to our authentic self, our heart, by learning about why we believe as we do.

Think about the profound learning and changes that can occur from explorations such as:

  • If I’m sure that my way is the right way, what makes me so sure, and what happens when I try to convince other’s that I’m right?
  • Where did this belief come from and what is the fear of finding out that my belief may be right for me but not universally true?
  • What is my fear of discovering that I might be better served if I changed my belief?

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Think about a recent argument you’ve had and what might have had happened if one of you had been open to learning.

Send your comments and questions to: drjordanpaul@mediqiventures.com

Image: Ghosts ©Rod Pilcher

Next: KEEPING YOUR HEART ON

SACREDNESS

7. Sacredness C

Thomas Merton, Trappist monk and social activist, wrote in Conjectures of a Guilty Bystander, “Then it was as if I suddenly saw the secret beauty of their hearts, the person that each one is in God’s eyes. If only they could all see themselves as they really are. If only we could see each other that way all the time. There would be no more war, no more hatred, no more cruelty, no more greed.”

Compassion illuminates the sacred within us. When compassion informs our behavior, love and caring flow naturally and it is impossible to run roughshod over the sacred that lies within everything. At those times:

  • Touch cannot be inappropriately sexual or harmful;
  • Productivity cannot mistreat others or the environment;
  • Feelings and behaviors cannot be criticized or repressed;
  • Play cannot be a win-lose contest; and
  • Learning cannot be blocked.

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What would it mean for you to know the depth of beauty in your heart and in the essence of every other person?

Think of times such as in those above when the sacredness of yourself and others was present, and other times when that truth was forgotten.

Send your comments and questions to: drjordanpaul@gmail.com

Image: ©Carl Studna

Next: CONFLICT AS OPPORTUNITY

REGAINING HEART

6. John Denver GardenAlthough there are many ways to experience the highs of a heart-connection, all of them are transitory. But, it’s not losing heart that creates ongoing difficulties.

Being unaware that we’ve lost our heart leaves us stuck in disconnection. With awareness we have choices. We can continue our disconnected behavior or we can stop and reconnect.

There are many ways to center and balance. It might be as simple as taking a deep breath (or 2, or 3 or more). Whatever it takes to drain away tension, return to serenity, and shift our energy to compassion and learning is what each of us must find for ourselves.

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When you’ve lost your heart-connection what do you do to regain it?

(If you have not found ways to re-center yourself try asking others what they do, or try such things as a formal meditation, writing in a journal, engaging in a physical activity, sitting and listening to a favorite piece of calming music, playing with your pet, or dancing in rhythm to music that centers you.).

Send your comments and questions to: drjordanpaul@mediqiventures.com

Image: John Denver Garden ©H. Lee Shapiro

Next: SACREDNESS

OPEN HEARTS OPEN MINDS

Who Are We?Open hearts open minds to our inherent curiosity and the Quintessential Intelligence within us. Innocence, softness and acceptance accompany the openness of living in a mystery. It is a safe space for all thoughts, feelings, and actions. Differences are welcomed and honored. Questions and problems are embraced as opportunities rather than treated as burdens.

In interpersonal conflicts, being open to learning is typically thought of merely as wanting to learn about the other person. Such an interaction provides important information and allows another person to feel heard and understood. But if that’s all we learn, we miss what’s crucial for furthering our journey to live in our heart more of the time – learning about our part of the difficulty.

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In the face of difficulties, what keeps you from being more in that place of openness and learning?

Send your comments and questions to: drjordanpaul@mediqiventures.com

Image: I have a pretty foot, don’t I? by ©Rich Berrett

Next: REGAINING HEART